Note to readers:
There is an actual post below this one, there are terrible things happening to me, per the norm. Yes, there is infinite comic value in my pain.

Yesterday was the one year anniversary of this blog. Umm... I'm not sure if that's a good or a bad thing or what. Raise a belated beer to us, I guess. Well, beer, wine or maybe a fruit juice if you happen to be underage.

Okay, if you have to drink a fruit juice, I'd like to apologize for the horrible, horrible way in which we've shredded your innocence. Jeez, please don't sue.

One drunken year and counting...
- posted by Pat @ 5:05 PM

 
The weekend where I won...

This is longer than a "typical" weekend post as I left Tucson thursday morning for an employee conference. However, the conference was classic, so I feel the need to include it.

Thursday, 5 am PST(I'm in Tucson):
Pete(roommate) wakes me up by repeatedly booting me in the ribs. I am still very drunk from the night before.

Thursday, 4.05 pm CST(in Oakbrook, at the conference):
Adam, Pete and I arrive. The first meeting started at 4 pm. We appear to be late. In hindsight, I wish I had been two days late. And dead.

There were ice breakers... and 'team building exercises'. So, I understand the ice breakers. We're travelling consultants, most of us new. We have NO idea who the other people are. We don't work together. So why did I PISS AWAY 35 minutes of my life building a tower out of Tinker Toys for the purpose of team building? I have no idea. I am not going to see these people for AT LEAST another year, if ever. And I feel cheated.

Then food, and MASSIVE amounts of booze. And then a talent show. I spent the majority of my time here drinking coffee, downing beers and remoting into work because I had shit to do. I also found out here, and later in the amazing games, that I hate most of the people I work with. Especially the people I am supposed to be emulating. Just, fuck, if I end up like those bastards, shoot me.

Friday, 9.15 am CST(Still in Oakbrook):
Pete calls my cell, informs me I have missed the first hour and 15 minutes of the meetings for the day. There was a status meeting on the state of the company. Fine, expected. Then the company 'olympics'. Except the majority of people at my firm are, uh, slightly out of olympic shape, so the events had to be as non-athletic as possible. This does not make for fun. It makes for terrible boredom, hatred and irony. See, we had a big talk on ethics THAT MORNING. The most common activity during the games? Cheating.

I hate my job.

Friday, 9.45 pm(In Crestwood, IL):
SpiderMan 2 started. I went alone. It was a good movie.

Saturday, 5 pm(In bed):
Without Peter to awaken me somehow, I am useless. I have just woken up. Nothing useful happens today. Except Dan and Doug doing very good Jehova witness impersonations. Damned fanatics.

Sunday, 12 pm(In bed):
I awaken early and remote back into work. This goes on for a bit. I then go do yardwork. While trimming the hedges I:
-cut my thumb
-punctured both wrists
-fell off a curb and raked hell out of my shin
-almost severed my left leg. My shorts are now lopsided

After the hedges, I mowed the lawn. I'm not particularly awake anymore as hedge trimming is tiring. So, when the catcher fell off of my lawnmower, I didn't see it. I then tripped over it and tumbled forward while pushing the lawnmower on the correct path. I imagine it would have been a marvelous, and hilarious, thing to have seen. I only remember pain and confusion. Shame, really. However, at this point, I realized the world hates me and I, covered in grass clippings, bleeding, tired, pissed off because I left my fucking phone charger in Tucson and couldn't call a girl on Saturday, threw my arms up and yelled, "I'm the big winner!"

I shit you not.

After finishing the lawn, I went back to work for an hour or so, took a shower and went to Daniel's house for anime watching. Panda-Z is the shit and Samurai Champloo is the hip-hop samurai genre at its finest. I don't know if there are other ANYTHINGS in that genre, but its good.

Have I mentioned lately how I am easily the most lucky person ever? And because of this:

I'm the big winner!
- posted by Pat @ 4:52 PM

 
"The good times are killing me."
-Modest Mouse

I hurt my face on Saturday. Well, I suppose hurt is a bit much, it wasn't sore or anything the morning after. But I do remember flinching a number of times during the night. How did I, well strain I guess, my face? Smiling too much.

I am in the enviable position of being able to have a rad time and still be in pain. I sometimes wonder if I flicked off a bunch of priests or something in my youth. Or a past life.

My cousin Michael Christopher is off the market ladies. He got married on Friday. In St. Charles, IL. As my cousin Patrick Carney repeatedly said Friday night, "I'm in St. Charles! I am having the most fun ever!" He was not serious. However, I do not know how to properly communicate sarcasm in this medium. Other than the town, the wedding and following party was a blast. A good Irish/Mexican wedding full of drinks, flamenco dancers and empty drinks.

On Saturday I went to Mary K.'s bbq. It was a ton of fun. I found out that when I was five I got some kid in trouble with the law because he tied my shoelaces together. Yes, the cops were called because he tied my shoelaces together. I have no recolection of this event and I truly hope I wasn't that big of a baby that I whined so much the cops got called. Because, yeah, that's just sad.

Saturday night was Rhino with Mary, her sister Ellen and Kate, Ellen's friend. They are a massively funny group of people and my face was absolutely dead after smiling and laughing for 3 hours. It was easily one of the best nights ever.

Today was 7 hours in a bar on Western with Daniel and his family. It was good times. Beers, pizza and one damnable Jager Bomb. Ohh how I hate those. At least I didn't pay for it.

An amazing weekend that was action packed and comes with this amazing factoid: I am about to go pack my bag for the coming week. First step in this process: unpack it from last week. All this fun caused me to not have any time for unpacking.

Even if this kind of weekend kills me, I'm down with that. I prefer the tired from fun to the tired from pain.
- posted by Pat @ 11:43 PM

 
Quick update from the man (still) battling the ebola virus:
-I can tell I'm still sick because I can no longer tell the difference between hunger, the need to poop and what may turn out to be cancer.

I will keep you all informed as I slowly lose all control of my internal organs and my heart jumps out of my rib cage where is it properly imprisioned.

Also: I will be joining said fantasy football league. Pay no attention to my previous arguments against it.
- posted by Pat @ 5:35 PM

 
Back in San Diego.

Sit back, relax and prepare thyself for a rather large post. This should have been two posts, but I got the ebola virus last week and couldn't see straight.

I went to another wedding last saturday. It was for my coworker and friend Peter. It was short, out of doors and the reception was in an art museum. There was some very interesting art there. One piece I didn't get at all was a bishop on a trolley and his coat was covered in communion hosts. No, no idea why. No explanation, no thoughts, just some bishop on a cart.

FACT: Weddings are a gold mine for picking up women.
FACT: They don't expect to hear from you ever again.
FACT: That doesn't mean its going to be fun/enjoyable at all.

Here are the rules. They are very simple:
1.)No teeth. I swear every single guy on this planet has at least one story of the teeth. I have two. TWO. Please ladies, just, no.
2.)Dispite any resemblances, 'it' is NOT a gear shifter. Please don't attempt to use it as one. The sounds I make then, while possibly confused for 'vroom-vroom' sounds, are in fact not sounds of enjoyment.
3.)Don't spit on your hand for lube. Umm... I don't even think I need to commnet on this one.

My next is a request: please learn how to kiss. Typically its the women who bitch about the guys not being able to kiss, HOWEVER, I was repeatedly thinking to myself while kissing this girl, 'where are your lips?'

HINT TO LADIES: This is not a good thing.

That sums up that night of "fun and excitment".

Also, I think she got me sick. Mad, crazy EBOLA sick. It started to hit me on Sunday a little, I figured it was just normal dead tired after a long weekend. Monday came, felt like ass but I always feel like ass on Monday's because I wake up at 5 AM. Went to work, then afterwards I went over to Barnes and Noble for some comic books and music. I picked an album from a band called 'Idlewild'. This cd is terrible. Also, I have no idea where I heard of said band. I am fully convinced that in my feverish state, I just grabbed and bought with no real logical thought. Thinking back now, its all a hazy dream thing. A hazy dream thing where the lady working the music center made fun of me a bunch. Well, I think she did, I'm not totally sure. I had EBOLA. Its a little diorientating.

Good music I bought:
AIR - 10,000 Hz Legend
This album rocks. Its full of happy, chill electronica. I have rocked out to this much.
The Flaming Lips - Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots
More happy, feel good rock and roll that I gaurantee will put a smile on your face and a happy little hop-step thing in your walk. Its groovy.

I've been playing a LOT of Mario and Luigi on GBA. Its tons of fun. I suggest you purchase it. Or maybe rent it. Or have a friend lend it to you. Just, get your filthy little hands on it somehow.
- posted by Pat @ 4:18 PM