My uncle needs a kidney. Its not immediate or anything, but its there. So, I trundled off to Rush to go have some blood work done. I didn't know my blood type or anything, so I had to go for the initial screening. She took two samples, not sure how much. But, I did totally pass out at 7.30 pm, wake up today at 8 am and still felt tired. Heh, sorry Koby.

I called her today, I'm O positive. Which means I'm a potential donor. Yeah! Hey, I've got two kidneys, you only need one. I need to go in later this week for more bloodwork and genetic testing, but since we're relatives, the odds are much better. Something like, 1% instead of -hojillion% chance of being a match. But, I can only hope.

I picked up some Manga over the weekend and a pair of running shoes. I'm not a runner, but I need shoes that aren't boots. Its been 3-4 years since I've had non-boot type shoes. Its nice. My feet don't feel like giant lead weights anymore. Of course, the shoes are clean so they look real weird, buuut, I figure that'll change soon enough.

And now, the commute home. w00t!!
- posted by Pat @ 4:51 PM

 
Dating: The failed dream.
Steps to a dream crushing adventure

-Have parents buy two tickets to Jazz show.
-Have said parents not be able to go to said Jazz show and give said tickets to you.
-Start Calling Bitches.
-"I have to work that night"
-"I already have plans"
-"I, uh, ..., ummmm..., I, uh, am, uh, already seeing someone? Yeah, somebody else. Not you. So, even though I'm calling you at work and made it look like I went to a whole lot of effort to get back in touch with you and now your hopes are FLYING, get bent."
-Cry into watery beer
-Become enraged that watery beer is now salted with your own fultile attempts at happiness.
-Remember that this is the status quo.
-Smile.

Once again, I am reminded why I usually don't GIVE A FLYING FUCK about dating. Or, rather, why I shy away. Its painful and I suck at it. Err, wait, no, there's definetly no sucking involved. If there was, the accurate description of my dating skills would be: "wildly successful".

And if I don't get a drunk dial from Haji, I'm gonna kill his kitten.
- posted by Pat @ 7:40 PM

 
A breath of normalcy in a rocky life:
The triumphant return of PCMajor, Koby and the Doug to the Willow Crossing was made last night. The simple fact that I was in the midwest, nothing to say about being at one of my favorite dive bars, was surprising. See, I was in DC during the day. Was also supposed to stay there. Didn't. Meh. Talking about baseball, making bets and generally trashtalking for hours is one of life's true joys.

I picked up Cima earlier this week. Its a totally rad rpg for the GBA.
The premise: save a bunch of people from the evil Cima.
The stlye: typical rpg isometic view with your standard item screens.
The twist: the Cima(bad guys) live off of human hope. Or really like it. Or SOMETHING. Its not explained terribly well why they want it, only that they do. But they like human hope. So they grab a bunch of humans and toy with them. They leave victory tantalizingly close at all times so that your hope is always very high. Of course this makes the game a total mindfuck because you always think you're about to win, yet you never do. I've logged 4.5 hours and I'm only on the third level boss.

Rating: 3.5 out of 4 grogs.

Also: I'm almost done with Link to the Past. Just gotta finish off the last level which is loads of fun. After that, I'll prolly finally get off my ass and go get Fire Emblem or FF:TA. I figure one strategy game at a time is good enough, no need to play two. Even if they are both awesome.
- posted by Pat @ 1:38 PM

 
I'm leaving work on Friday in Kolkata and its good. I just got a gift from IBM that is super rad. Its this, like, scroll/wall hanging thing. Very pretty and I'm totally not ever touching it because I'm a spazz and would destroy it. We head to the airport and I told a bunch of little beggar children off. Its the first time they have ever left me alone. I just couldn't take it anymore. A quick no, go away and some glaring got them stepping along. Everyone else was suitably impressed.

Trip was super long, super boring and I was super happy I had some modicum of control over my colon. Because yeah, my hand is in no way shape or form a utensile for CLEANING MY ASS, as the Indians seem to believe. Just blech. Oh, I also don't POOP STANDING UP. Thanks Mubai international airport, you were super awful.

I watched an episode of DarkWing duck on the trip from Frankfurt to Chicago. It was them against Megavolt. It wasn't one of my favorite episodes, but Megavolt is a classic DW villian. ANYWAY, I'm watching this show and I remembered: when I was like 8-10 years old, ie when the show was actually on, I had the biggest crush on Goslyn, DarkWing's daughter. Yes, I had a crush on a duck. A fucking duck.

I still think when she grows up she's gonna have some GORGEOUS tail feathers.

Heh, I swear, that's the last pun from me.

Actually, that's also all for me in general. Umm... that and drinking for 6 hours rules. Even if there is that damned rookie drunk swearing up and down about how great a drunk he is. Damn you, that guy.
- posted by Pat @ 11:16 PM

 
Back in chicago.

Super happy to be able to breath.

Told a bunch of kids in Kolkata to get bent.

Am alive.

Big post later.
- posted by Pat @ 4:51 PM

 
I've found the solution to my food problems: The sammich. It has two pieces of bread, some lettuce, tomato, cheese and various lunchmeats. Maybe some mustard and mayo if you're feeling it. This is a meal that is IMPOSSIBLE to fuck up. I had a sammich and french fries last night. I have found it is not impossible to fuck up french fries. But, as Fishman has taught me, enough ketchup fixes anything. Even if it is crappy, unsalted ketchup. It is still the golden condiment.

Now, some of you may be wondering, "why do I call it a 'sammich' like a 'tard, instead of a 'sandwich' like the well educated person I sometimes allow myself to be known as"? Well, when I finally realized I could get a good one here, I didn't have time, or the ability to speak properly as my mouth was full, so I roared, well, more 'sprayed' then anything, "SAMMICH!!" and helf it aloft. Sadly, this caused a tomato to fall out and land on my head, but hey, you pay for your dramatics. And yes, this also a tribute to the non-late, great KarakSindru. Thanks Karak.

Karak is not only not on this blog, I don't even know what his name is. I love interenet friends I know only by their handles.

And now back to wishing my AIM connection would do something other than reset every 20 seconds and wondering if I can talk the boys upstairs who do the catering into making me a sammich that has stuff like crust and not have stuff like chicken "spread".
- posted by Pat @ 12:19 AM

 
I have been, I have seen and I was super bored. Nicco Park, aka the "Disney Land" of West Bengal, was empty. It was spirit crushingly empty. I have some pictures, they will be posted. Somewhere. At least the carneys at this one were energetic. Nothing is creepier than a carney who just leans/stands there and stares at you. So I went on some rides, I thought I was going to die. Many, many times.

First ride: tilt-a-whirl
Yeah, the lapbar sure didn't ever lock. That was a rather poor beginning, but hey, its the tilta whirl. We're not talking about some kind of high speed, high danger ride here.

Second ride: the awful
I don't actually know what its name is, but, well, yeah. See the name. It just went around in a circle about 20 feet in the air. It was also a monorail. So the whole time I'm on this thing, I'm asking God what I did to deserve to feel like death was approaching at every rattle and turn. Then the dude wouldn't let me off, so I had to go again. Awful

Then the coaster. It was called the cyclone. There was a seat belt and a lapbar. Of course the seatbelt was busted. But hey, at least the lapbar worked. Then I went on some other wildly forgettable rides and went back to the cyclone for one more go before I left. Again, the seat belt did not work. But the new twist? The lapbar also didn't work. Luckily this damnable ride had no loops, or I would have fallen out. But hey, at least my heartrate was through the roof.

Then I walked home. Then I felt real stupid for doing that. Yay for blisters and not being able to breath. Thanks, pollution. Did I mention its heavily polluted here? Well, it certainly is. Just horrid.

Saturday night, I'm sitting around and I made an important decision. I've had enough of attempting to enjoy or even sample the local culture. I'm gonna be an awful tourist from here on out. I'm going to be surly, and bemoan my lack of beef. Because you know what? Chicken, lamb or a BELL FUCKING PEPPER should not be my only options for the BURGER part of a hamburger. So fuck it. I'm gonna eat at the coffee shop I hate because it has somewhat American food. And I'm gonna drink my coke, and I'm give this place the finger for a week.

Let's just say, I've had better trips.

And yes, I'm still having, "issues", with my poop.

I can't wait until friday. But at least I had a horrible adventure for all you readers at home. You bastards and your clean water, and your breathable air. Just, go suck a lemon or something.
- posted by Pat @ 5:53 AM

 
We all know Koby has been dead for awhile now. Something about a bottle of beer, some rabbits and 5 ccs of BBQ sauce. Its really best not to know the details. It also appears that the unemployed/flannel pant lifestyle has gotten the best of Haji. Maybe his DDR pads ate him. Or, more likely, he was playing DDR against his significantly younger sister and after she beat him for the 88th time in a row, Michael J. Fox jumped out of a souped up Delorean and told Pat he has to come with him to save his family. Pat then kills the Fox, or as his friends know him as, "The yellow chicken who can't handle Max Hedrome", steals the car and runs over his sister for good measure. Haji is currently wanted in three states and 14 time periouds for "crimes against time."

The Crack team assembled to deal with Carmen Sandiego a number of years ago is being reassembled. Authorities hope that Broderbund Software and 10 year old children can bring the nefarious Haji to justice.

But, we're dropping off. It happens. I too may soon be dead. I think it was the fruit. Or maybe the coffee wasn't heated enough. But somewhere in there, I had some of the local water. Yeah, see, people ain't fucking around when they tell you not to drink the water. Because you're all just sitting around, having a beer, or eating dinner or doing your job and suddenly, "urk". You screw up your face, wonder, "how the fuck did THAT creep up on me unawares" and pull a runner. Then, you poop. Its just a cloud. Its awful. I hate my life.

And that paragraph was specifically for the people at Ibbotson who complained when I didn't write about the German, "poop shelf" the Germans have in their toilets. So yeah, blame them and also blame my editor for not getting back to me in time to stop that paragraph.

A pimpage. This is a crazy, crazy comic. Quite often nonsensical, but he usually spells things correctly so Haji can't complain. It updates Mon/Fri, though usually Tues/Sat. But that's pretty reasonable when you consider the theme of the strip is "3 am wackiness".

And now, the crappy coffee break and, excellent, another "urk" moment.
- posted by Pat @ 11:31 PM

 
Totally forgot to mention this.

There are some activities and prejudices even that trascend cultural barriers. There are some ideals, some concepts that are not bound by race, ideaology or location. The one I wish to speak on today is: the smelly geek. Dammit. There is one. And he always catches my eye because I don't want him to have any problems so I don't have to go over there and almost pass out. Worse, the dude sitting next to him has loads of problems but it a nice guy.

Damn you stinky geek, just damn you straight to the showers you never take. Argh!
- posted by Pat @ 6:47 AM

 
Another day is almost in the books here at the IBM training Center outside of Kolkata. Nothing interesting happened, per the norm. However, I totally got a bunch of free drinks last night on the hotel. Pretty rule if you ask me. And, since we're here on IBM's dime, we even got an additional free beer after the beers stopped being free. Go coporate clout.

Dusty, like the mesa's of northern, uhh, Dakota? Do they have Mesa's there? I imagine they do. Mesa's are super flat. And the Dakota's have more elevation changes then Nebraksa, so I'm gonna go with North Dakota. But it is hella dusty here. I took a 5-10 minute walk at lunch on tuesday, when I got back I had a sweet 5 minute coughing fit and blew out loads of dust. It was pretty awful really.

I'm going to a Carnival/thing that is advertised as the "Disney Land" of Kolkata on Saturday. I expect it to be completely awful. But, we'll see what happens. Maybe it'll be completely, totally, horribly awful. So hey, at least I'm keeping my hopes up, right?

Umm.... so how are you guys? There aren't any forums here, but feel free to try and fill our commenting quota.
- posted by Pat @ 6:03 AM

 
The culture shock of that first weekend has mostly worn off, I think. I haven't reentered the local biomass yet, but I'd like to think that after the first experience I'd be able to handle it much better next time. Next time being the coming weekend. But its also very possible that I'll end up drunk as a skunk saturday night and hungover all day sunday not leaving my room. There will be no knowledge without experimentation.

Training is progressing and I'm amazingly bored. Even with all the sites I go to, there is still not enough to entertain me. And even though the questions are easy or just outlandish, they beat sitting in the back of the room trying to look busy while my project manager(bossMan) sits behind me.

Last night was a tuesday and I, per the tuesday norm, went to a bar by myself. It was like Rhino in that I knew the bartender, had a couple of people walk in to chat to for a bit and sat at the bar. The difference, of course, is that there was casio drumming stlyed live music and the main language isn't english. But, oh well. Its close enough for beer.

Kingfisher - good Lager. It comes in big bottles. Always a plus.

I finally saw the end of FLCL on sunday while I let the culture shock and hangover fade. The ending was interesting, but I had hyped it too much in my own mind. So I was let down, but I am confident the second viewing will leave me satisfied. And that second viewing will happen before I come back because all of the stuff that Dan burned for me doesn't work in my DVD drive. Stupid old drive that won't read writable DVDs. AArrrgghhhh.....

And I leave you with a quote from a song that has been in my head for at least a month now. I think its from Kid Spatula's(Mu-ziq's) Jungle Remix disc but I'm not sure. And if it isn't, well, that's good stuff anyway and deserves some props.

Come on take a trip,
in my rocket ship
- posted by Pat @ 2:41 AM

 
I got to India on friday morning at about butt o'clock. I have no idea what the actual time was, maybe 5 am?, but butts were definetly involved. In fact, at one point, I attempted to get some beggars off of me by "pressing some ham" on them. Sadly, this had no effect. And they seemed only to want to steal my bags even more.

Spent the morning at the hotel wandering around, reading the economist and feeling real good about all the people smiling at me and saying hi. That feeling lasted about a day. After about a day, that got super annoying. To the point where I was hoping to see someone who gave me that, "fuck you, you asshole. I bust my hump for you all day and yet I still have to smile. God I hate you." You know, typical customer service in the states. I did finally meet that guy. And I was happy.

I almost did die on saturday. Although not from your usual Indian causes like the Plauge. It was the children. If only I could stop thinking about these dagged children. My group and I went to a temple. We were gonna hang out, see the temple, maybe do a little shopping at the bazaar. We weren't, however, expecting to have a small child latch on to each of us and not fscking let go. Seriously, 20 minutes of a small child holding onto your forearm and calling you "mama" gets to you. The whole ride back to hotel I was in a kind of stupor. Becuase, well, that was unneeded.

Back at the hotel, I had an Aldous Huxely, "Brave New World" kind of feeling. I wanted my goddamned Soma. It was almost exactly like when the main guy takes that girl into the native land and every night she gets back to her little room and goes nuts on soma. Lacking anything called soma, I got absolutely trashed. And then didn't leave my room on sunday. Partially because of the hangover, and partially because as long as I stayed in there, I was in Chicago and wishing I could go downstairs, grab some chips, get into a fight with my mom then go back up to my room and hop online. I have never had that kind of jarring experience before. I've been to very poor areas of the world, but this was just plain awful.

And now I'm at work, sitting in the back of the room, wondering when I get to go home. Or the Himalayas. One of the two.

And Patrick, if all goes well, I'll be dead in an avalanche by next sunday. Bet on it.

EDIT: just checked the posting time and I'm 12 hours ahead of you jokers. Yeup, I'm finally ahead of the game.
- posted by Pat @ 1:06 AM