So I was in champaign this weekend, again. I signed up for this Itrak service shit. Its the first career thing I've paid for. I'm starting to think I may have wasted 20 dollars. But, I'm gonna see how this rolls. Then I'll start bitching about how I wasted money.

I had a whole lot of things I wanted to get done when I was down there this weekend. I called it a "working vacation". Although that name is a bit of a misnomer because I don't have a job, so I can't take vacations. Or work. But I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to do.

Talk to steve and give him my old stuff:
Complete failure. I think I talked to him for a solid 2 minutes when I was down there.

Hang with a bunch of people I went to Germany with:
Again, complete failure, but I blame the champaign bars for this. Bastards charge cover now.

Waste 20 dollars on a most likely worthless interview system:
Did this one actually. Although I am jumping the gun saying its worthless. I gotta at least wait before I say that.

Play a bunch of hockey:
Check and double check. Even figured out how to get in for free.

Meet Chris before he goes to Merry Old Fucking England:
Done. He still doesn't drink and I really wish I hadn't gone for that last beer.

Okay, there was more to the checklist, but this story is too fucking awful not to be told here. So I'm walking around with Chris and he finally goes to bed. Its 1.30 am, I want one more beer on the night. I'm a gonna get me a beer up at Murphy's. Its gonna be good. So I get up there, get a beer, look around for anyone I know. Nope. So its a lonely beer. Oh well, that happens. I finish my beer after smiling sadly at the girls who walked by, I even got the freak eyes from some girl, like "I can't believe some human looks like that." So I'm not doing real well. I finish my beer. Head to the bathroom. I'm finishing up as two guys walk in. They're drunk, I figure one will hang out by the sink until I finish. If only I was that lucky.

Guy1: There's only one toilet.
Guy2: That's fine, lets go.
Guy1: We're gonna tag team this shit?
Me(internally):HOLY FUCK. I Have to leave, NOW.
Guy2: Yeah!

So I have to leave, I do not need to walk past two guys sharing a toilet bowl. As soon as I finish peeing, I start to leave. I don't even finish closing my fly. That may have been a problem. Also, I was wearing a long sleve white shirt, with a black t shirt over it. I also have long hair. So the guys sees me and says

Guy2: You're Countercultural, right?
Me: Yeah.
Me(internally): WTF kinda question is this for a small bathroom?
Guy2: Yeah, so are we!
Me: Okay.
Guy2: Yeah Countercultural, fuck Bush.
Me: Yeah, fuck Bush.
Me(internally): Maybe if I just start agreeing with him, he'll either a. close his fly, b. discontinue blocking my route to the door
Guy2: We're gonna piss in this toilet together!
Me: Good for you
Me(Internally): Oh god, whereisthedoor. Whereisthedoor.Found it!!! Whereisthedoorhandle, whereisthedoorhandle...
Guy2: Yeah, fuck Bush, you with us?
Me: Uhh...
Me(Internally): Oh god, must run. MUSTRUN!! Thankgod, door open, feet going. Dudes, pissing.

My only real regret about this was that I didn't make any kind of "don't cross the streams" comments. It would have been oh so very timeless.

Saturday I got rocked, was on what we thought was an abandoned building's roof, found out it wasn't abandoned, then I ran yelling "ABORT!! ABORT!" Which, in hindsight, was prolly a really bad idea seeing as if we hadn't alerted them to our presence yet, that surely did. Luckily none of us ended up in jail.

I'd like to point out that at this point, its 5.20 pm. I have yet to put on any clothes but a pair of plaid flannel pants, and a giant green long sleve tshirt. Yes, now that's its getting colder, I am finding new ways to wear clothes, yet still be a bum. Sadly, I can't not wear pants year round.
- posted by Pat @ 4:59 PM

 
The job search conitnued today. I applied at Blockbuster Video. Hopefully someday soon I will be proudly wearing the blue and yellow uniform of the Blockbuster video jockey. Well, I'd have a chance if I hadn't given up halfway through the application because I stopped fucking caring and just started to randomly skip sections like when they asked me for referrals. Next up: coast guard.

I've got a prank idea: make the most amazing, fake resume. But then include totally random stuff on their, just to see happens. Now, I'm not entirely sure what this "random" stuff is gonna be, as I just had the idea, but so help me god above if I don't start getting any freaking responses to my resume I am going to rain down fake resumes on these damn HR people like the world has never seen.

Oh yeah, I was in Champaign last weekend, as Dan said. I will also be there this weekend, and the funny thing is: Pat Minor will not be. Its funny because he lives there. Or, its really not funny at all. Who am I kidding. Oh man, where the hell is the whiskey?
- posted by Pat @ 3:39 PM

 
So, I'm rocking the job search today. I do it rather desultorily, but this gives me new life. I'm not entirely sure if I should apply to this job. I don't have any experience in the field, but it would be awesome to have on my resume.

Dream Job

So, read the job description, and then tell me if should or shouldn't apply. The comments await you.
- posted by Pat @ 7:11 PM

 
So tonight I did a lot of interesting things:

Got 10 bucks to drive dan around.

Went to this awful bar called North Beach.

Met an absolutely awful girl.

Got called Castro-a-go-go by brian.

Saw the strip that defines what I look for in a day.

Click me.

So great.
- posted by Pat @ 3:49 AM

 
It was another busy night in the life of Pat Major.

Plan 1:
Tried to get dan(non pat) and matt to go to James' house for some gaming and drinking, and if they don't want to, just game and drink all night at matt's house

Result:
They went to a pig roast without me.

Plan 2:
Just go to James' for a night of drinking and gaming with James and his friends

Result:
His friends punked out because the driver friend was MIA. He did offer for me to come over and watch "Usual Suspects" with him and his girlfriend, but I declined.

Plan 3:
Call Dan Shine, go boozing on Western.

Result:
He's at work until 10pm, won't be home until 11.30pm. I talked to his girlfriend, she said they were having a night in.

Plan 4:
Go to Ashbury and just hang out. Meet some new people even if they might be highly annoying.

Result:
After the 30 minute drive out there, they are still closed even though its been two weeks since I talked to the owner and he said,"we'll be closed for two weeks".

Plan too many:
Stay in, again, and just hang out online with distant friends while consuming waaay too much beer and coffee.

Result:
Complete and utter success. Its two nights in a row for this. I might get used to this. I'd even make it a regular thing except the 'rents will be back from Bulgaria on wednesday and a key to this is me making noise all night. Not gonna work when they're sleeping.

Quote of the Day:
Brian: im about to sounds like an alcoholic
Brian: i forgot 7 up is good minus whiskey

I have nothing to add to that. I think whiskey is perfectly fine on its own. 7 up? Dunno, does it go well with b33r?

Props tonight go out to my boys in Knapsack and Weston. Even though I'm pretty sure Knapsack is dead. I still love it.
- posted by Pat @ 5:08 AM

 
So its another wild and crazy night in the life of Pat Major. I'm home. Alone. However, I did get some stuff done for steve. Well, maybe. We'll see if he likes it when, and if, I ever get down to Champaign.

And even though my night is bad, I may be having the best night of the three of us. Two words: Girl or Beer. Minor and Non can explain their respective situations.

My current mental state: calm.
Its 12.37 am. I am brewing coffee. Even though I know this will keep me up well into the morning and I already have an incredibly difficult time falling asleep, this is what I want. I'm calm because I know, even though its totally obvious, I realize now: I'm stark raving mad.

I'm calm because I know what I must do: stay up all night drinking coffee, playing video games, reading old comics and not wearing any pants. These are the staples of my life now. They are horrible to me, and I take it like a little ho.

This is my life. I'm not proud, just having fun.
- posted by Pat @ 12:34 AM

 
Well, I've been drinking. A lot. But its cool. It was dollar pints at Sean Rhinos. Of course its always dollar pints there and I really need to spend more time there.

So I just checked my AIM buddy list. Its 2 am on a thursday and I'm the only one without an away message. I was gonna post their away messages but I'm kinda scared of some of them.

And no, I don't only have 3 people on my buddy list. I do have friends. Even if they don't like me. Hah!!

So I'd like to declare that I am the king of this blog. I declare this because my blogmates are weak and not posting. I am the king.

Who can stand against me?

DON'T FORGET TO ROCK!!
- posted by Pat @ 2:01 AM

 
So I got my filthy little hands on a new game. No, I didn't ante up the bones for it. Shhhh, don't tell square. I'll give you a hint. Its called final fantasy tactics advanced. Damn. That kinda gave it away. Oh well.

Its a confusing game that kinda makes me want to kill myself. I'm not sure why, I just do. Its really weird. But I like it. However, this may be too much game for me. Its a very involved game. I don't totally understand it. But I'm gonna give it a couple of more hours, then see what happens.

I'm living on my own again! For a short time only. My parents are in Bulgaria visiting my sister. And I've started to melt down.
Food I ate yesterday: bowl of grapenuts, a piece of pita bread, a bunch of doritos.
Food I ate today: bowl of grapenuts, a mini pizza and a bunch of doritos.
I love living alone. And my body loves me too.

So I have a new hate in this world. Mama Celeste. Ohh, I hate you and your little pizzas too. Twice now, twice mama has forsaken me. Was I a bad son to you? Did I not follow the directions that you, as a good mother, had provided me with on the back of the box? Why, why must you continue to not give me my crisping disc? Without that disc, the pizza is limp, unapetizing. I don't know how long I can continue like this mama. You taunt me so. If, in my next pizza box, there is not my crisping disc and a heartfelt apology, I will be filing for legal seperation. I'm sorry, mama, you brought this on yourself.

And now, the Rhino.
- posted by Pat @ 9:39 PM

 
The best times in my life either started off with me being angry, me getting angry in the middle or me blowing my anger wad right at the end of the adventure. I just can't get angry these days. I think I'm just too lethargic. Like this morning, it was 2 pm. I was waking up. I went back to sleep because I don't wake up until 3 pm. Isn't that kind of activity illegal?

This afternoon, somepoint in there. I dunno. It happened. My life is starting to get really hazy. So, this afternoon, this lady called. She was calling from this temp agency that I had sent my resume to about three weeks ago. So I get really pumped. I'm all like, "Hell yeah, I now have independent confirmation that other humans are reading my resume. Not those damned computer things." So she asks me if I'm looking for a technical position. Now I'm a computer engineer so that's a big yes. She then says that they don't get many technical positions and she was just calling me because she wanted me to know that she had read my resume and would prolly never be calling me again.

I got a little peeved. Back in the day I would have flown off the handle and gotten some serious rant time in about how it sure was great that someone called me and let me know they were never going to do anything productive for me. They just wanted to make sure I knew that they were doing a good job of nothing for me. I can barely keep it up now. I'm slowly becoming a shell of my former self.

Soon I'll cut my hair, go back to school for an MBA, get a middle management position shuffling papers and saying things like, "So you want me to make this my primary action object?" And meaning it with all my heart and soul. Yeup, crazy pat is making way for succesful pat.

*shudder*

I'll prolly get a car now too. Or maybe I'll clean up my room.
- posted by Pat @ 6:11 PM

 
So given three guesses as to who would be the sober one of this blog and I would never have guessed myself. But after my well documented European experience, who would've guessed I could string two days in a row together of not drinking. I sure as hell wouldn't of. Alright, it wasn't today and yesterday, but I know there have been two days in there somewhere.

Tonight was my official "stay the fuck in beverly" night. It was cool, I hung out with dan shine. We played video games. Fighting robots are cool but me having to walk by constantly telling each leg to move forward was a bit too much control. I think the game was called rad or something. I'll have to ask dan. I figured it would just be a mech warrior kind of thing. It was basically 2 hours of me yelling at the damn robot on the damn screen as dan found new and interesting ways of flipping me over into buildings, into water. Hell, he even flipped into the colesium. Ugh. Depressing. At least the forum and the palatine hill were acurately drawn. Can't say I know about the Colesium though, I was too busy being thrown into it and being laughed at as the building crushed me. Sad.

I was down about not having a job and then I was hanging out with dan. He has lots of stuff to do because he was recently unemployed for 3 months as well. If I am chill like him I too will be an origami master. That's right, I will be making swans and then sending them right into your eye. They'll be killer swans. Its gonna rock.

Pat: hook it up with the Andrew WK. I also could use some hard rocking party music. That'll be sweet.
- posted by Pat @ 3:35 AM

 
So I'm thinking, where is pat? I dunno. He's supposed to be the guy who does stuff and I'm supposed to be the guy who gets busy with the pointing and laughing thing. I don't really have anything to say except this:

There is an underapreciated art in this world. The art of the chair dancing. I'm not talking about lap dancing, that's not art its a boner that doesn't get used. I'm talking about actually sitting in a chair and dancing. Its scores over the old style of dancing in one major way: white guys can do it well. See, white guys, for the most part, aren't all that coordinated so when we're dancing we kinda lose track of what certain appendages are up to. Hence why we end up looking like fools. But in chair dancing, we can focus on one appendage at a time and make it move in time with the music. This is because all movement is centered on the ass. Its on the ass because the booty doesn't move in this dance form. And we can do something highly repetitive with our legs, say tapping. And do some very basic swaying with the torso. Maybe a head bob if we're feeling adventerous.

Then some shoulder shrugging...

Then even some gyrations...

Then the arms get all funky and start flapping about...

Then I realize I've got too many apendages going again and I need to stop being so complex in my mad chair stlying.

Okay, really I've just been sitting in my room all day listening to moby and I was dancing in my chair. i just wanted to justify the most important thing I'll do today. Call me crazy.

Don't forget the rock.
- posted by Pat @ 6:08 PM