So I was in champaign this weekend, again. I signed up for this Itrak service shit. Its the first career thing I've paid for. I'm starting to think I may have wasted 20 dollars. But, I'm gonna see how this rolls. Then I'll start bitching about how I wasted money.

I had a whole lot of things I wanted to get done when I was down there this weekend. I called it a "working vacation". Although that name is a bit of a misnomer because I don't have a job, so I can't take vacations. Or work. But I had a bunch of stuff I wanted to do.

Talk to steve and give him my old stuff:
Complete failure. I think I talked to him for a solid 2 minutes when I was down there.

Hang with a bunch of people I went to Germany with:
Again, complete failure, but I blame the champaign bars for this. Bastards charge cover now.

Waste 20 dollars on a most likely worthless interview system:
Did this one actually. Although I am jumping the gun saying its worthless. I gotta at least wait before I say that.

Play a bunch of hockey:
Check and double check. Even figured out how to get in for free.

Meet Chris before he goes to Merry Old Fucking England:
Done. He still doesn't drink and I really wish I hadn't gone for that last beer.

Okay, there was more to the checklist, but this story is too fucking awful not to be told here. So I'm walking around with Chris and he finally goes to bed. Its 1.30 am, I want one more beer on the night. I'm a gonna get me a beer up at Murphy's. Its gonna be good. So I get up there, get a beer, look around for anyone I know. Nope. So its a lonely beer. Oh well, that happens. I finish my beer after smiling sadly at the girls who walked by, I even got the freak eyes from some girl, like "I can't believe some human looks like that." So I'm not doing real well. I finish my beer. Head to the bathroom. I'm finishing up as two guys walk in. They're drunk, I figure one will hang out by the sink until I finish. If only I was that lucky.

Guy1: There's only one toilet.
Guy2: That's fine, lets go.
Guy1: We're gonna tag team this shit?
Me(internally):HOLY FUCK. I Have to leave, NOW.
Guy2: Yeah!

So I have to leave, I do not need to walk past two guys sharing a toilet bowl. As soon as I finish peeing, I start to leave. I don't even finish closing my fly. That may have been a problem. Also, I was wearing a long sleve white shirt, with a black t shirt over it. I also have long hair. So the guys sees me and says

Guy2: You're Countercultural, right?
Me: Yeah.
Me(internally): WTF kinda question is this for a small bathroom?
Guy2: Yeah, so are we!
Me: Okay.
Guy2: Yeah Countercultural, fuck Bush.
Me: Yeah, fuck Bush.
Me(internally): Maybe if I just start agreeing with him, he'll either a. close his fly, b. discontinue blocking my route to the door
Guy2: We're gonna piss in this toilet together!
Me: Good for you
Me(Internally): Oh god, whereisthedoor. Whereisthedoor.Found it!!! Whereisthedoorhandle, whereisthedoorhandle...
Guy2: Yeah, fuck Bush, you with us?
Me: Uhh...
Me(Internally): Oh god, must run. MUSTRUN!! Thankgod, door open, feet going. Dudes, pissing.

My only real regret about this was that I didn't make any kind of "don't cross the streams" comments. It would have been oh so very timeless.

Saturday I got rocked, was on what we thought was an abandoned building's roof, found out it wasn't abandoned, then I ran yelling "ABORT!! ABORT!" Which, in hindsight, was prolly a really bad idea seeing as if we hadn't alerted them to our presence yet, that surely did. Luckily none of us ended up in jail.

I'd like to point out that at this point, its 5.20 pm. I have yet to put on any clothes but a pair of plaid flannel pants, and a giant green long sleve tshirt. Yes, now that's its getting colder, I am finding new ways to wear clothes, yet still be a bum. Sadly, I can't not wear pants year round.
- posted by Pat @ 4:59 PM