I think I'm a cat sometimes...

That mad desire to sleep all day. The incessant push to look independant and yet still have someone bring you food. The ability to play with a ceiling fan. I don't just mean playing with the dial-a-matic round switch it has. That's fun, but not cat fun. Cat fun is standing underneath the fan and fucking batting at it. I tapped lightly, then hard. With the blades, and against the blades. I did this for about five minutes.

I wandered around the upstairs of my parent's house. Not going anywhere, just wandering. I wandered back to the fan. Batted for a little while. Wondered where my scratching post was. Heh, okay, not really. But I did think it would be nice to take a nap.

The grand plan? Go see Harold and Kumar go to White Castle tonight. What can I say, its looks hilarious and apparently Ebert gave it three stars. Who knew stupid could be critically acclaimed?
- posted by Pat @ 5:49 PM

 
A weekend of (no)love. And a proposal.

But first, semantics: From now on, Daniel is Dan(not on this blog) and Dan is from this blog.

Friday night I hit the bars with Dan and Daniel. I tried calling that girl who gave me her cell number. Quick note: this is the weekend of (no)love so take a quick think if this was an effective use of my life or not.

I will tell you: waste of my life.

Thanks for the fake phone number Joan. I truly appreciate it.

Best is, I called her numerous times, and it sounded like an actual voice mail, not the urban-legend fake phone number that insults you if you call if. Or something. The myth was explained to be after several pints.

We ended up at Brewbaker's as that is the only bar open past 2 am on Western. We walked in and there were two women between me and the cash machine. I somewhat rudely skooched them out of the way. They were then marginally attracted to me. After that, I made a number of drunken comments about lord knows what and walked away while they were speaking. They followed us about 15 minutes later. One girl said 'hi' to me by walking up behind me at the bar and not so casually rubbing herself all over me. Enjoyable, but somewhat useless when I'm already mostly numb from the booze. We attempted to dance. It was ineffective. All I can actually remember from trying to dance was thinking, "why do I feel so stereotypical tonight?" I ran away again. When I returned I found out that the other girl was married and that the two girls were going home for girl-on-girl action no matter what happened. And no, no one else was going to be invited.

So to the two random fake whore types from Brewbakers, thanks for the woody and the large ball of anger I feel for the teasing.

Saturday night was some kind of weird half trip through the friend zone. We definetly played the 'we're a couple' game at points. This is somewhat difficult to avoid when the other people you are hanging with are married and also at points were definetly not a couple. So a somewhat odd, but enjoyable, evening. However, it was a night spent primarily with one attractive female, and there was no love.

And about a month ago I was on a dating website and emailed some girl. She did not sign back into the service for over a fucking month. I just felt the need to put that in there. It'll make sense in a minute.

So, obviously, my rage is at a bit of a high, and I need help from you, dear reader. What silly ass stunts should I try pulling now to attempt and get a girl? Dan, Daniel or Patrick willing, we can get this shit taped. I'll wear a mic and do what is asked of me. This is incredibly humiliating and amazing and if it works, the Greatest Idea Ever.

So shoot the ideas into the comments, or email one of us and lets get this party started.
- posted by Pat @ 9:48 AM

 
So hey, you'll never guess what room I got this week? I'll give you some hints:
-I mention it in a previous post
-I was not in the room at the time
-I slept on the couch last night

What a terrible way to end the day.  A long day of travel, work and a harsh workout and then, as you hop into bed, you realize where you are... then you just want to wash yourself in fire and maybe a giant fucking brillo pad of doom because shit, that's awful.

My weekend was fairly spectactular and totally ruled.  Also, I got some girl's phone number I will probably not call her because hey, that's my m.o. Also, I am terrified of talking to women, because being shy is cool, right? Well, it seems to be working out for this guy. Okay, maybe not, but it is a funny comic.

Otherwise, I just chilled in Chicago, caught up with some friends, and got blitzed hardcore friday night.  And of course I got the girl's number when I was at the third bar of three of the night.  When else would I be getting it?

Since I got loaded three times last week, this is an official no beer work-week.  And as usual, the one thing I want more then anything is a beer.  Part of me says that is a problem, but mostly I think I just want what I am denying myself.  Kinda how anorexics want food, or those dudes(Haji and Koby) I strangled last weekend totally wanted air.

Most recent cd purchase:  Flaming Lips.  Its true, they do seem to be happiness condensed.
- posted by Pat @ 8:46 PM

 
I checked into my room tonight after getting back from San Francisco and as I'm walking past my neighbors door, I hear very loud classical music. I'm thinking, "no problems, I've got some emails to send and a plane ticket to book and I haven't been online since friday, so I'll listen to some classical music." Well, I'm about ready for bed and the music is still blasting an hour later. So I leave my room and go knock on the door.

After knocking I see the "do no disturb" tag shoved into the door...

After seeing said tag, I hear a woman loudly moaning...

After hearing said woman I went back to my room and wondered what the hell I was supposed to do.

I ended up doing nothing, just checking boxscores and had almost forgoten about it. Then about a minute ago I heard the dude. Apparently he was busy or something when I was knocking earlier.

I would now like to core out my ears. Because, really? I don't need to hear some dude through the goddamned walls finishing off. Just, no.
- posted by Pat @ 3:06 AM

 
Back in mighty Tucson, AZ. It continues to be excessively warm here. Also, the processor in my laptop is melting the contact for my 'i' key. So all 'i's were typed twice. Its amazingly aggravating.

New Band: Badly Drawn Boy. A coworker sent me a couple of their songs. I can't stop listening. Good stuff. I would like to heartily recomend an album, but I have only 3 tracks. Maybe someone can recommend an album to me.

Weekend of the fourth, just the facts:
-over 50 beers consumed by your faithful protagonist
-1 intense sunburn on my shoulders. It consistently feels as if it is going to crack open and spew forth with something or other.
-1 excessively long nap in the beach on sunday.
-8-12 sets of boobs were spotted in the free on a trampoline on the beach
-1 Seattle girl shut me down in the ocean
-1.5 hours spent in a state I would call drunk
-1 protagonist amazed by the previous fact. Hell, I hit that number on a good lunch break
-12 hours of video games were played

I look back on the numbers and they don't begin to convey the fun of fourth of July on the beach. No, it was nothing like what our founding fathers would have expected would be happening on the most nervous day of their lives; but I think they'd be pumped that we were drinking and being crazy and having fun and celebrating on their day.

Yeup, that's my justification for getting my drink on, what's yours?

Dag, I got nothing else to say. I kinda figured this was going to be a traditional, "Pat has a crazy weekend, then relives his glories to the crowd" post, but the weekend just blended into one long, slightly boozy good time. Maybe I'll remember some specific stories later.

I bought a harmonica last night. Soon, I will be quiting my job and will be playing harmonica on a street corner near you. And I will use my frequent flier miles to get to all of you as well.
- posted by Pat @ 2:45 PM

 
I'm in San Diego this weekend. Its a good idea. Its fun here. Andrew Ballester just got beat by the hiccups. Also, one of us, not Andy, stole a blinky construction light thing. This, this is a promonition of a good weekend. This is the weekend we named "beerapalooza". Because hey, its the fourth.

Also, Andy is trying to beat the drunkups and is breathing like a lioness in heat. Its both disturbing and humurous.

God loves the drunks.
- posted by Pat @ 4:30 AM