So hey, does anybody out there offer shaving lessons? Because yeah, that's approximately whay my face looks like after every single goddamnedtime I shave. The main difference, of course, is that I don't have a beard, and I usually get the worst cuts under my jaw, not on a miss from going for the Unibrow.
- posted by Pat @ 7:40 PM

 
So I had "one of those nights" last night. You know, you're planning a quiet night alone of drinking. Nothing big. You hope you run into a couple of people you know. But you want to be home by midnight. You're not planning on going out, running into some jager bomb fanatics and having to go get more money while you're drunk.

What I've done so far today:
-Wake up(most challenging by far)
-Cradle the phone in bed because I should be at Dan(notonthisblog)'s house playing video games
-cleaned the sink
-opened a bunch of windows
-set up a bowl of grape nuts. Its currently sitting on the kitchen table waiting for me. The cereal needs to soak in the milk.
-Tried, and so far failed, to actually finish sobering up.

How much did I drink last night? Somewhere around waaayyy too much. Bunch of beer. Bunch of jager bombs, which I am never doing again. And some shots of Jager. Jager is my new Rum. That means I don't drink it anymore.

I've also got a totally rad bruise on the bridge of my nose. I have no idea how I got it, but it was bleeding at one point becuase there is totally a cut there. For a while I thought I lost my glasses in some bar fight I don't remember. I'm guessing I just bounced my face off the sink or something. There's a whole lot of fuzzy from last night.

Additionally, if you see Steve Burns or Matt Coleman today, tell 'em I'm totally still drunk. Because, yeah, its funny and sad.

Go me. UGH.
- posted by Pat @ 2:35 PM

 
I was drinking last night. Per the norm. Except we went back to Keegan's. I'm not a fan of Keegan's. They charge more, the clientle is old and I don't like the reunion I had there last night. Now, I usually run into people I haven't seen in awhile when I'm drinking, but for some reason, last night was a collection of people I didn't want to see. It was also a collection of people my friends didn't want to see. Unfortuantly we had seats, so I couldn't convince people to go to Rhino's. Becuase that would have been awesome like it always is.

I got the new Guster finally. Mad props to Brian Tracy for that. This album rules. If you don't have it yet, you are dumber than dum. There is no other option.

Went back to the heated driveway last night. This time it was me, Dan(notonthisblog) Shine and Brian Tracy. And a beer. The beer was for me. Sadly, the driveway did not boil off the beer when I poured some onto it. And when we were walking around after the driveway warming we totally pulled a pole outta the ground and hucked it over a fence. We sure are juvenille. It feels good.

Countdown to working continues. I can't effing wait until I'm working. I hate sitting around being bored. I'm actually in a bit of a funk lately. I'm hoping the work will kick me outta that. But I know that I'm not just gonna be able to be like "eh, don't feel like going to afternoon working. Eff it." Like I could in college. The reality check that's gonna kick me in the teeth when I start working is going to be massive. You may feel shockwaves in your standard metropolitan area.

And now, back to the inner monologue of debate over if should call someone, or just go drinking alone. Any votes?
- posted by Pat @ 5:21 PM

 
So I hit Rhino's again tonight. No, I don't expect you to be entertained by that. I always go to Rhino's. Its good for me. Or something. But I totally ran into some girls I went to gradeschool with. And I think I've found my dream girl. She's a tomboy, knows stuff about sports and goes out without being dressed up. She was wearing a very worn grey hoodie and sweatpants. That is the definition of my kind of girl. I'm gonna try this time, and I hope she doesn't shoot me down too bad.

I'm walking home from Rhino's and I'm looking at my driveway. I notice my dad's car is gone. I immediately think its stolen. My dad's car almost got stolen a couple of times, so this is a valid concern for me. I go in. His phone is gone. Now I'm thinking that he had to go somewhere at 1.45 am because someone, my grandma, was in the hospital. So I'm thinking, "hey, this is a whole lot of christmas love I don't need." I go inside. Race upstairs. Wake up the moms. She knows nothing. My dad just wanted to get to work really effing early.

Thanks dad. You gave me a heart attack.

And yes, I keep hoping my Anime will show up. Its a futile hope, but someday, my Anime will come. Like a Prince out of the story books.
- posted by Pat @ 2:13 AM

 
No, the effing anime I ordered a week ago hasn't arrived yet. It should have. And I lost a night of sleep to it, but no, it hasn't arrived yet. I'm a little concered that they're gonna wait for the whole order to be filled. Which would mean that I have to wait for my Trigun and Cowboy Bebop to come when the Foolie Coolie isn't in yet. Arrgh...

So I went out drinking with Dan(notonthisblog) Shine. We rocked the Rhino. Got loaded. Then there was a debate about a heated driveway. I can say heated now because I know it was. After getting loaded we went to said driveway. We sat on it. It was very warm. Its very odd to be sitting on a huge piece of concrete and feel warmth coming at you. Then of course I had to creep around the house Mission Impossible style because the house is crazy. And I wanted to see if I could avoid all those motion sensors.

Motion sensors: avoided.

So Dan and I walked around for a bit after the driveway incident. Its been raining here. We found a piece of wet chalk and decided it must be used. Dan drew his brickman and I drew some random manga face. It was definetly in the street. It gave me hope that if I could draw something that wasn't totally awful when I could barely walk, maybe I can be something of an artist.

All I can say to that is: I'm laughing my balls off. I can't draw for garbage. It looked good because we were both wasted. But hey, at least booze gives me some kind of self esteem boost.

And now, the bed. And if I don't get my Trigun and Bebop tomorrow, or at least the little note that says"while you were out..." from the postal types, I'm gonna have to start killing people from discountanime.net
- posted by Pat @ 3:26 AM

 
Had some good times last night. Rocked Rhino, again. And even though creepy Steve was there, I avoided him by running into people from grade school. It was interesting when I started making fun of people my age for going bald. To which I say, "Ha fucking Ha Mr. Bennet and Mr. Sullivan. Eat it, I have all my hair."

I have also recently purchased the Portishead - Portishead album. Oh my good lord. Its everything I ever hoped it would be. There's even a song that talks about "hookers and gin" Its easy going, dark music. And her voice, oh my, just ah-mazin'.

And further news on the missing groger:
Daniel was last seen at Keegan's, a bar on the south side of Chicago, on Monday. He made repeated claims that he was not worthless even though he doesn't post anymore. He has also claimed, again, that he will start posting, "One of these days coming up." The truth of that claim is highly doubted by the other grog members.

And remember, when the monkey looks at you, there is no choice but to run. Scary little Capuchins.
- posted by Pat @ 6:18 PM

 
nextGen GBA

So that's pretty exciting looking. I don't know anything else about it except how awesome that picture looks.

Props to JAMES for the link.

Yes, I'm still effing dealing with the hangover fairies. Shut your piehole.
- posted by Pat @ 6:41 PM

 
So even though minorPat hates it, I just dropped 70 bucks on Anime. But it was for Trigun, Cowboy Bebop and Foolie Coolie. These are three great series that I know a lot about and like. So to hell with you Haji, no one likes your taste in media anyway.

Except those people with a good idea of what's fun.

I rocked with Dan(nonPat), otherDan and some other peeps tonight. It was good. I got good and rocked in Beverly and it wasn't at Rhino's. Although, next time I'm getting rocked in Beverly, it better be there. That's where there cheap beer be at.

I've also got the 10th book in the "Wheel of Time" series, by Robert Jordan(yeah, books), so there will be minimal contact from me over the next couple of days.

I gotta make that shit last.

Coming up:
A better review of the Turtles game
Me rocking out with my former coworkers(Ibbtoson types)
At least one night of me boozing alone at Rhino's

These will be documented. Well, they will be if they are worth more than a dollar.

RAWK.
- posted by Pat @ 3:13 AM

 
So here's an interesting problem. I just took the Led Zepplin quiz as well, and I am also "When the Levee Breaks". Now, who rules this blog more, me or minorPat?

I say me. My wang is bigger. Although, minorPat has bigger wangs in his butt. So its kinda a toss up.

What say you, reader?
- posted by Pat @ 8:12 PM

 
I can officially die a happy man. Sw33t christ, this is amazing:

James Brown appointed to funk up US Government. 09/12/2003. ABC News Online

So, who thinks our new "secretary of sould and foreign minister of funk" can sort out that little mess we've gotten ourselves into in the middle east?

I do.
- posted by Pat @ 6:46 PM

 


Which 'Shaw Island' character are you?
brought to you by Quizilla


So yeah, that's me. You should go read the comic to understand what the hell is going on.

Shaw Island

And so what if its all about Hamsters now, he spun the humans off into a different strip. This shit is GOLDEN.

- posted by Pat @ 6:07 PM

 
Stuff happens on this grog all the GODDAMNEDTIME. Its just that you're too above it all to notice, Mr. I'm too good to graduate and now I'm so much better then anyone else I'm going to Law School poop for brains.

Or, you know, something like that.

So I've gone drinking alone a couple of times in the past week and all that's happened is that scary Steve guy from Rhino's has given me an unwanted neck massage and told me he loves me repeated times. Oh and that I'm the best or something. I dunno. This guy is real effed up most of the time on beer and SOMETHING else that I, gladly, don't know.

Really, I haven't done much of anything of use lately except sleep a whole lot and dominate the Turtles. I rule at that. Or, I will soon.
- posted by Pat @ 5:32 PM

 
I have seen the future: There is a man who will fold himself up and place himself into a washing machine for change. Or some kind of money. I was watching the Ken Harvey Variety show and I sure did see that. I'm somewhat tramutized. Its a good thing, really.

Rock solid plan for picking up women:
Step One: go to a bar by yourself, chicks dig the lone wolf
Step Two: look really scruffy at said bar, chicks don't dig personal hygiene
Step Three: don't make eye contact, its better for everyone involved if you only catch sidelong glances where you're not really sure if what you're looking at is good looking or it isn't. The Beer you've been drinking should also help with this.
Step Four: don't help mantain the conversation, women don't care what men have to say unless its some bullshit about feelings we don't actually have. Then we're being sensitive. And lame.
Step Five: make sure said girls are drunk. I can not tell you how useful that is. And don't go about buying them drinks either, just occasionally wave the bartender over, or make comments about how they can't handle their booze.
Step Six: don't get up to dance with them until both of the girls are rubbing themselves all over you, chicks dig it when you play hard to get.
Step Seven: don't dance to back to back songs, chicks want you looking at them while they dance, they don't give a fuck if you can or not
Step Eight: don't be suprised when you go to bathroom if they disappear. I mean really, if you're following this guide you're doing exactly what I did last night and the two girls totally fucking bounced on me while I was peeing.

Heh, what the fuck are you doing trying to get advice on women from me? Are you retarded? I mean yeah, I did have two somewhat attractive girls rubbing on me last night, but I'm just massively sexy. That's the real step, Be Sexy and Have lots of Cash. Those are what chicks dig.

I fucking hate my life.
- posted by Pat @ 7:31 PM

 
Snobbery: The defintion of patMajor. I am the anti-trend because its funny. If something is trendy, in my eyes that makes it instantly funny and something to be mocked. Especially if its something I do/wear. And if its something trendy that I have mocked in the past, of course there will be shame on my part. That is a natural human reaction. And although I am a robot, I do have some human type feelings.

All I've been doing lately is reading Robert Jordan. The man is incredible. There are slow spots to the books, but they do start rolling again eventually. And I finished the sixth book last night. However, I don't have the seventh book. Damn you nonPat. I wish you had given me more books. Now I'm al sitting here, being twitchy. I've had better days then kicking back and wondering when I'm gonna get my next reading fix.

Have you ever been playing a game or reading a book or anything, and been midway through and wondered, "what is going on?" Just sat back and actually asked yourself, "I've put a solid 15-20 hours into this piece of media. And I have no idea what the plot is. Can that be possible?" Well, if you want that reaction, go rent Brute Force for the XBox. Its amazing. I played it with Shine a bunch. By the end, we were playing because we kept hoping against hope that we would find a plot somewhere in there.

We were sadly disappointed.

Time for me to go take care of my most recent graduation gift. Gotta love living off random people giving you money.
- posted by Pat @ 4:07 PM