A surprisingly low profile night, for a birthday.

Oddly enough, we didn't break any laws at all. I have NO idea how that (didn't) happen. And am I ever glad no one did any betting. No injuries, no cars vandalized. Birthday boy took care of the other one.

It started in a bar up north. We drank PBR. We are, by and large, kinda scummy dudes. This beer works out well. We did a shot of whiskey. Patrick, foolishly, declined. The whiskey was yum-my. We all walked out of the bar with between 6-8 drinks in our bellies. It was 11 pm.

We, briefly, entered a bar. It was lame. It was also gay. We didn't know the second until later when we went back to that bar and hung out for awhile. I repeatedly told a 53 year old woman to "tell me her real age and stop telling lies." I still don't believe that she was 53. She looked like 35, max. A 39 year old dude kept trying to feel all old and kept telling us he was old enough to be our daddy. I pointed out he would have been 15 at the time of our birth. He responded, "I'm a peurto rican from the south side, I'M YOU'RE DADDY!"

He was a very funny man. The bar before that one was lame. We had one overpriced beer. And I had fries. I was 'fry-guy' for about 10 minutes. Man, that gay bar was so much fun it made them forget how they were taunting me.

Then we began the attempt to find Neo. This was a difficult process. No one really knew where it was.

But on the way we stopped off at the Union. This may or may not have been my idea. I am a proponent of the drink on the way club, but there were others who are also fans of this club. So we stopped off. My animal magnitism, combined with that of some dude named Dan whose birthday it wasn't, got a girl over. She gave us a flyer for a play. We hit on her. She was receptive. At the time, I thought it was just because she wanted us to go the play. I was wrong. But, it wasn't until later that I found this out.

We hung with her and her other theater friends for a bit. Then, we continued our ill-fated trip to Neo. Dan (birthday boy) wasn't feeling good so he stopped off in a gangway to, well, see what his stomach had to say. I thought he was watering the grass, so I decided to help with the watering process. Luckily, my belt is tricky to get open, so it took me a bit. As I got my belt off, I saw a flashlight. Oh yes, hello officer. No, my male bits aren't hanging out and no, I'm not walking away in a nonchalant fashion.

Yes, I went back to see if Dan needed bail. Turns out, he just felt a little vomitous. The threat of the law settled his stomach. The cop repeatedly asked him if he had "something he should know about" in his pockets. Then Dan got patted down. He left after the cop 'copped' a feel and away we went.

Dan, Doug and I were alone at this point with no idea where to go. Doug insisted on walking, so Dan and I hopped in a cab and let him walk. We got there. Called Haji and found out he was in the back of some total unknown dudes van. Seriously, total. Random. Dude.

Yeah, sketchy.

Dan and I head in. Sam shows up a bit later, tells us he found Doug and that, again, Doug blew off a cab ride to keep walking. Doug likes his druken walks. He also hates the Neo. I don't blame him. The club was full of white people who can't dance. It was a travesty against dance. My soul cried.

But at Neo, the theater people showed up. Yes, they followed us to a club. Yes, this bodes well for the birthday boy. We chatted. We flirted. One girl set her sites on Koby after I introduced him as the "birthday boy". After that, I thought I was flirting with another theater girl. Turns out, I was being wingwomened. Yes. I was pulled off by a girl. This is a valid wingman technique. And it was executed to perfection. I didn't know I was had until after Dan hopped into a cab and this girl suddenly had no interest in me whatsoever.

She executed perfectly.

So did Sam. Who picked up a girl. Doug was staying at Sam's place that night. He nonchalantly dropped his keys off into Doug's pocket and walked away. No goodbye, no later, just here are the keys and don't say anything.

Doug and I got some mexican after that. Then we both grabed lonely taxis home. Doug to Sam's, and me to Haji's. Of course, both the doorman of Haji's building and I had to call him multiple times to get him to wake up and let me in, but hey. It worked out. I feel asleep in his closet when I got in there. I like to wander around drunk when asleep.

I'm a sleep-walker. Ask my old roommates. No, really, I walked in my one roommate and his current fiance. I'm going to the wedding in August. I hope I get to tell that story. That would be rad.

For me, Saturday was a drunken, hungover wash. I watched a bunch of college basketball, a bunch of law and order (thanks Julie), and then Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels with my sister. It was a good recovery day.

Friday exceeded everyone's expectactions but I filled my requirements. I spent all of my money (twice) and I got the birthday boy a girl. What more can you hope for when celebrating a friend's birthday?
- posted by Pat @ 10:39 AM