I hit the driving range on Monday. Golf is not a sport. Highly entertaining video game? Yes. Sport? No. I thought it was for awhile, but its a sport like billiards is a sport. Keep it smooth, keep it consistent. There is no battle except between you and your back. Blech to that. Of course, I did hurt myself. But I am the old man, so its fitting.

Another notch in my "Doing Horrible Things to Kitchens and Kitchen Related Implements(like pans)" belt:
I attempted to fry peanut butter. Useful note at this point: peanut butter melts when you heat it. In a manner quite similar to butter sans peanuts. So tossing a lump of peanut butter onto a pan is a real good way to coat a pan with peanut butter. However, buttering up some bagels, tossing those on first and then attempting to FRY the bagel when the peanut butter is on said bagel is a real good way to make sad little piles of melty peanut butter in said pan.

In concluscion: I have generated yet another reason for me to never be allowed in a kitchen and I am deeply afraid of that pan. I haven't cleaned it out yet. Its just sitting there. Lurking. I'm hoping the peanut butter acheives life and just leaves of its own accord. Also, I hope the now-living peanut butter doesn't attempt to forge some kind of super freaky father/son or creator/creation bond with me. I'm, you know, not ready to raise a peanut based lifeform at the moment. But in ten years, I'll sure as fuck be ready to go and kick this peanut based lifeform's ass all over the place when it tries to take over, shit, what's a real wussy town? Dallas? Phildelphia? One of 'em.

I will come bearing jelly, bread and a dull knife. My creation will recoil in horror and will also make for a tasty afternoon snack. Possibly a snack for months to come, but always tasty.

I continue to drink alone both in my room and at O'Malley's(super awful hotel bar). Its a good life. And I think I'm living in a box next week, I'll keep you updated on that.
- posted by Pat @ 4:05 PM